It’s taken me almost two months to write this blog post. On June 2, 2016, I lost my father. He had a long, hard battle with many medical issues. Our last exchange of words was, “I love you.” I couldn’t have asked for anything more beautiful.
Now that a little time has passed, it’s easier for me to write this. It doesn’t mean that tears aren’t pouring down my face this very moment. I just accepted the harsh truth that life hands you throughout the years.
My father meant the world to me. He raised my siblings and me to understand the value of family and love. I’d like to describe his memorial, but I am not ready. Instead, here is what I said:
My dad was Mighty Mel Marks. That’s what the newspaper articles called him when he played basketball at Madison Square Garden. That nickname carried when he became an incredible bowler. When I graduated high school, we joined a bowling league together. He bowled a 300, and I watched the entire bowling alley come over and cheer him on. But that wasn’t what he loved most.
It was us, his family.
Last night, I looked through a few old photos. I was scared to do it because I thought it would make me sadder. But it made smile. It reminded how he lived such a happy life. He was the kind of guy who wouldn’t allow my mom to carry groceries. And he always made sure his children knew how much he loved us.
He’d often called me just to say okay I wanted to hear your voice, talk to you later. Those 30-second phone calls meant the world to both us. My father taught me how to love and never hold back in what I believe.
The bond my father and I had will always live on in me. I love my father so much, and I will always be his “baby girl”.
Every night that I go to bed, I think of him. I wish he would show up in my dreams. I wish that he’d visit me. However, that’s not what happens. I just lay there and think. I picture his face smiling at me. I’ll stare at a dark corner hoping that he’d appear, but he doesn’t.
Instead, I just deal with it. I let the sadness come and go.
I’ve been doing my best to keep busy with positive things. Recently, I started a new job. I am a Search Marketing Campaign Manager at an advertising agency. It’s a much slower pace than my last job. It was the change I needed, while I continue to grieve.
I feel like it’s taken me a little bit more effort to connect with people there. It’s not the people or the job. It’s just me right now. I am working on sorting through my emotions.
To help me feel somewhat normal again, I signed back up at the gym. I wake up around 5:30 a.m., where weight train or do some cardio. I am finding some peace doing it. The gym isn’t crowded, working out is healthy, and it just makes me feel good.
I know it’s going to take time because losing a parent is hard when you had such a close relationship.
I have two goals that I’ll be focusing on for the remainder of 2016. I want to start blogging again. I also want to start going through those guides on HTML and CSS. I went to do something the other day, and I just had a hard time figuring it out. It’s just been so long since I’ve tapped in those skills.
I’ll be back with more another day. I just wanted to update everyone. The old, powerful marketer in me is back. I’ll probably redesign this website soon too.
Thanks for listening. Talk to you soon.